ready2bskinE

*big sigh* It’s been forever since I’ve been on Buddy Slim… I’ve been @ a good weight, mainly trying to maintain but also trying to tone everything up and getting really, strangely happy anytime the scale would go down an extra pound or two. My goal weight started out @ 125, then I got down to 120, then SOMETIMES I’d see a number like 119 or 117, and I started thinking, I WONDER IF I CAN GET TO 115????????? I stopped eating like a normal person… I mostly drank a lot of coffee and water & ate like, a handful of almonds and a salad for lunch with no breakfast or dinner. It was bad. I was maxing out at like, 600 calories a day, and that was when I convinced myself to eat breakfast before going to work.  Not every day. 

So once I realized that was STUPID, I started eating again. Healthy, nutritious foods @ about 1100-1200 calories a day.  I eat lots of veggies, two servings of fruit, lean meats and I’m still addicted to almonds & unsweetened almond milk (not sure why, exactly… maybe the fat content). I’ll even have a slice of whole grain bread or toast now and then. 

I’m back up in the 123-125 range, which is apparently healthy and appropriate for me.  I’m still wearing size 3 and size 5, the same exact clothes I was wearing during those 3 crazy not-much-food weeks… But… I can’t help being disappointed.  Is that completely weird??  I feel like I did when I was trying so hard to lose weight but would gain.  It’s a little depressing.  And it doesn’t help that everyone I know commented on how “great” I looked. Wow… I look great when I don’t eat. That’s wonderful news.  Y’know??  Now when I eat, my stomach looks distended to me.  It looks gross.  When I wasn’t eating much, it just stayed nice and flat all day.

So my question is:  How do you reconcile (in your head) the weight you WANT to be with the weight that is HEALTHY for you???  I work out 30-60 minutes most days of the week (moderate cardio & weights) and eat like I said, 1100-1200 HEALTHY calories a day to weigh between 120-125, so that MUST be my personal ideal weight, right??  But what if I REALLY like the way I look 10 lbs lighter??  How do I get over that & just accept the weight that is “right” for me??  Cuz to weigh 10 lbs less, there’s no way I’d be able to eat enough on a daily basis to get all the vitamins and nutrients a healthy body needs, so it SHOULD be out of the question… I don’t know why this is such a problem for me at this point, when I did the whole entire weight loss journey the “healthy” right way… I guess I just never lost that mentality of “I need to lose a few more lbs”….  THEN I DID need to, now I really don’t, but I’m having trouble with changing that thinking, of, If THIS weight looks good, five lbs less will look even BETTER.

This might be a dumb post for this site, I know most ppl who come here are still trying to get started on their weight loss journey, but I’m not sure who else to really talk to.  My skinny friends/family members don’t eat much either; they’re not really concerned about proper nutrition.  My bigger friends and family don’t even want to hear about it; they think I should shut up and be glad I’m the size I am. (Which is what I’m TRYING to figure out how to do, if they’d listen to what I’m asking and stop just looking @ it from how they feel about themselves.)  So, I understand if there aren’t many ppl who get what I’m going through… Just wanted to take the chance that someone here might have some good advice on the subject.  Thanks!!!!!!!!!

No surprise… I always do it when PMS rolls around. And I always think, Next time I’ll control it better. haha What a joke!! I’m not going to wait til next time, I’m going to start right now, recognizing what’s going on and upping my calories by a few hundred for a few extra servings of fruit, veggies and lean protein… NOT an extra serving of everything I had for breakfast lunch and dinner LoL  This better work, cuz I’m feeling bloated and fat  :(  Ugh…

Pushing through my workout tonight anyway, even though I feel like everything is jiggling tonight…. Blah!

I’m too bah-humbug to blog right now, but I knew you guys would be the only ones who understood!

It took me about three days to go from a-pot-a-day of coffee to none at all.  I was very proud of myself for kicking that nasty caffeine addiction! Even though I love it, there’s no denying that it is a drug and dependency on any drug is not something that I want for myself.  Although I have to admit, I have given in a few mornings and had ONE cup of decaf  :)  Decaf isn’t caffeine FREE but it has Waaaaaay less caffeine than regular coffee, especially y’know, the ones I drank with extra shots of espresso and all LoL  So I’m no longer addicted, and can again ENJOY it in moderation, as I feel I should.

I’ve been trying to limit my sugar for a long time now, and I have to admit, elimininating it entirely is intimidating!! I mean, I LOVE things like Nutrigrain bars, a square of Dove dark chocolate after a busy day, oh and don’t forget caramel sundaes! Not every day a sundae of course, but I mean, how can I picture myself NEVER eating that type of stuff??  I’m not sure I can, and it’s why I’ve been hesitant to commit to this phase of the plan.

But again, it’s just for a few weeks, and really the whole purpose is to see how I feel without the sugar. I might really love it!  Who knows right?? LoL  I totally blew it yesterday, because somebody brought a whole bag of Subway cookies to work, and I had one of those huge chocolate chip ones… And savored every bite! :)  I’m not really sure why I’m so quick to throw my goals out the window over a novelty like that (Surprise!! Cookies!! lol) but I have to develop some more will power if this is going to work!! Going to try again today, and I’m seriously going to do my absolute best to make this Day 1 with ZERO sugar.

Exercise update:

I can do 10 REAL pushups in a row, without stopping!!!  A month ago, I couldn’t do ONE with proper form.  The difference for me was core strength.  I honestly always thought/assumed I couldn’t do a push up because I had no upper body strenth.  HOWEVER I’ve since realized that it was because I had NO core strength!  After spending a couple of months improving my core strength -going from a max of about 15 seconds in plank pose to now a minute and a half, and adding things like back extensions and stability ball crunches, etc- I can now do some push ups!! Real, man, boot camp stype push ups  :)  NEVER really thought I’d be able to crank them out, but now I’m working my way up to sets of 20 by doing five sets of 10 reps, then dropping to my knees after each 10 and doing “girlie” ones to fatigue.  My arms are ALREADY looking shapelier  :)  And once I can crank out sets of 20?? I don’t know what’s next, other than seriously rocking some tank tops this summer!! LoL  Y’all might have already known this, that core strength was an important aspect of real push ups, but I had no idea and am just happy right now  :)  So those of you that didn’t know, if you can’t do pushups but want to, work on your core for a while first.  It really makes all the difference!

Is basically the same thing as clean eating, and I’m gonna give it another shot!! Thankfully things are phased out on a weekly basis (I’m not expected to go from moderately healthy eating (most of the time!) to being perfect)  :)  So it goes like this:

Week 1: Eliminate coffee and other sources of caffeine as well as alcohol- I’m not really looking forward to this, since I drink about a pot of coffee a day!! But from reading his material, it makes sense. He says that people who rely heavily on caffeine have a hard time losing belly fat because of the cortisol (and other things) excessive caffeine causes your body to produce, and stubborn belly fat *is* my primary problem, so I’m willing to commit to this for four weeks and see what happens.  I usually go months at a time between adult beverages  :)  so that part’s easy for me.

Week 2: Eliminate sugar and processed foods and gluten- Wow!! I never realized how many things contain gluten!! Even my staple whole wheat bread is b-a-d apparently  :(  I *think* I can fairly easily eliminate added sugars (fruit is still ok) but eliminating all sources of gluten is going to require some serious label reading. On second thought, maybe I should just avoid anything with a label altogether!!

Week 3: Eliminate dairy- Substitute easier to digest items like almond milk and soy-based cheeses. This one will be easy cuz I don’t eat a lot of cheese anyway (high in fat and calories) and I l-o-v-e almond and soy milk.

Week 4: Eliminate other animal products- Now I have never claimed or attempted to be a vegetarian, but this will only require a 1-week commitment. At the end of this four week phase-out to clean eating, you’re supposed to decide for yourself how you feel and what things you will continue to avoid, and what you will add back in with moderation.  I have a feeling that chicken breast and fish will be gone from my diet for only a very short period of time, but I’m open to the idea that I don’t particularly need red meat.

I’m a little scared and excited at the same time. I know that a lot of the things I’m about to cut out aren’t good for me anyway, and I’m excited to see what effects a very clean diet will have on my mind and body  :)  On the other hand, I am nervous about my mornings without coffee and trying all the new foods I’m going to need to replace the things I’m cutting out. (Steel cut oats?  Quinoa? I’m not sure I’ve ever even seen most of this stuff at my grocery store!! Where do they hide it???)

I’ve been in a rut lately, picked up his new Bring It! book and decided to give it a shot.  At worst, I won’t lose any weight and will look the same next month as I do today. At best, I’ll be inspired to try new things, workout consistently, and break my unhealthy addictions  :)  Realistically, I’m not expecting any miracles, but we’ll see how it goes. Sitting around on my butt pretending that my Smart Ones meals and canned veggies and NutriGrain bars are really health food isn’t getting me anywhere, so…. It’s worth a shot!

We’ve had the flu at my house since Friday…. I’ve still be going to work, getting things done around the house… but crashing into my bed and passing out around 7 pm.  Going to sleep right after dinner and not working out = slight weight gain. I hope I can keep it to a minimum and get back on track ASAP!!!  We’re getting our 5th inch of snow here right now, and it’s still coming down hard.  I have dreams of jogging in the soft snow… MAJOR CALORIE BURN!! But that’ll probably stay a dream for now…. Maybe next snow day 

So my weigh in today is 128.8…. I think that’s a little less than a lb lost from last week. However, I’m HAPPY because I’m doing this in a way that’s easily maintainable.

See, last time I got down around 125, I was eating healthy but exercising SOOOO much that it was unsustainable. I wasn’t working full time or going to school then, and I was running about five miles per morning and doing exercise DVD’s in the evenings. Which I had time for then…. then when I lost all that free time, I gained back a lot of the weight. So this time around, I don’t much care how slowly the weight comes off because it’s going to STAY off  :)  I am totally planning on working my way back up to 5 miles, but I am doing it for fun, not to help lose the weight.

I also measured myself today, for the first time in *forever* I think. I have no idea how these measurements measure up to other people of my same weight, but I’m fairly certain my stomach is still way too big.  I know it’s important for me to get this belly fat gone because of the visceral fat it indicates surrounding my organs and making me a lot less healthy than I would otherwise be. So here’s the numbers:

Rt bicep: 10.75 inches

chest: 31.25

bust: 34.5

waist (smallest part): 28.5

tummy (around the biggest part): 34.5 (that’s a huge difference!! spare tire alert!!)

hips: 36.75

Rt thigh: 19.75

Rt calf: 13.5

I want to set some goals for February, so I’m thinking I’d like to lose 2-3 lbs and focus on melting some of the fat off my tummy and hips.  I think at least half an inch (hoping for a whole inch!) off the bigger part of my tummy and maybe get my hips down to an even 36 inches.  I’ve never had hips so big at this weight before… It’s kinda weird, but I can’t help but wonder if part of it is due to my efforts to strengthen and lift my booty…. I’ve been sick to death of the flat look I’ve had and so have been doing hundreds of bridge-ups, lunges and squats week in and week out… If my measurement is higher due to my butt being “bigger” and not my actual hips, well then that’s a GOOD thing!!! LoL  It’s a kicker though cuz I’m just not sure what it is… are my hips fatter or is my butt stronger?? It’s hard to tell!!  It’s hard for me to make goals because I’m just sort of a “give it ur all and go with the flow” kinda person…. but I do have things I’d like to accomplish and keeping track of the numbers can only help, so I’m gonna start doing that.

Well, it’s a beautiful weekend here… it was already 60 degrees when I ran to the bank a few minutes ago (only 9am!) so I’m gonna get off this computer and go enjoy it!!!

Going jeans shopping today!! I’m so excited, cuz I’m not looking at sales or just trying to find the cheapest thing that looks decent on me…. I’m heading straight to the Miss Me jeans and finding the cutest pair they’ve got and bringing them home with me  :)  Can’t wait to see how my 120-ish lb body looks in nice jeans…. Wow, I’m totally giving my cheap self secret away here, aren’t I?  lol  Yes, most of my jeans are $15 from Rue 21 or from the sale rack at Old Navy (and for some reason, Old Navy jeans look pretty good in the dressing room, but over the course of a regular day loosen up or something and wind up sagging in the booty. Is it just me?? I mean, I know I don’t have a badonkadonk but seriously, it’s not THAT flat! lol)  Anyway, I love it when I get to shop for *my choice* and not just what the store offers for half price. hahaha Doesn’t happen too often!

Not much else to update… Still just trying to eat well and exercise often; maintain my weight loss and lose the last bit of weight before bathing suit season. Still got a swimsuit in my drawer to try on when I get to goal weight… why does that thought still make me a little sick to my stomach??  It’s a lot easier to be confident in clothes than it is to put it all out there for the whole world to see in a little swimsuit and still smile about it!  :)  Anyway, I’m looking forward to an amazing weekend… It’s supposed to be in the 60’s here and sunny, so I’m *excited* about being able to enjoy a nice run outdoors!! Hope everyone else has an awesome weekend too 

New profile pic of me this weekend, in the 120’s…getting ready to go out for my celebration dinner  :)  Celebrating new beginnings, not weight loss. A dinner to celebrate weight loss seems counter-productive to me LoL  But anyway, I had grilled salmon and shrimp, so not so bad, though I did try the Pink Punk Cosmo… started out as a piece of fluffy cotton candy in a martini glass so I’m sure it had mega calories but it was SOOOO yummy (and true to my word, I only had one drink).  The BEST part though?? I got carded  :)  hahaha  Nearly 30 years old… so yeah it makes me happy when they ask skeptically if I have ID, especially when my younger husband NEVER gets carded  :) 

Got a tough workout on the schedule for today.  I’m *way* more into weights right now than cardio.  I’m *hating* cardio lately, probably cuz I’m stuck doing it indoors because of the crappy weather lately. It’s either raining, snowing, or just too freakin freezing nearly every day to be outside doing much of anything.  I’m looking forward to spring and the great running weather 

I weighed in this week at 129.4!!!!! Not in the 120’s by much BUT it’s exciting nonetheless  :)   Especially considering that yesterday was my last day at my job (I’m currently unemployed but I have two interviews set up for Monday, so I’m hopeful) and I started back to school last week as well, so overall it was a pretty stressful week.  I have a tiny bit of social anxiety; I sat in my car for about 15 minutes before my first class trying to build the courage to walk into a room full of strangers, but I managed to do it, sweaty palms and all  :)  THEN the teacher was one of those who wants everyone to stand up and introduce themselves to the class and let everyone ask you questions about what you do and your plans… it was DIFFICULT to say the least, but I managed to get through it. I can’t imagine that walking into these businesses Monday morning, full of people I don’t know who will probably look at me questioningly, finding my interviewer and then being asked a million questions will be any easier, but unfortunately it has to be done.  I haven’t done much of a “real” workout at all… Just 5 minutes of jumping rope or squat jumps a few times a day; squats, lunges, planks and push ups here and there when I get a chance; but somehow it’s working.  I think it’s cuz I’ve been eating a LOT better  :)  My husband and I are going for a celebration dinner with a bunch of our friends at TGI Friday’s tonight though (I might be jobless but without seeming bitchy I’d like to say being free of my former employer is a reason to celebrate! LoL) so I’m gonna have to be really careful not to overdo it, especially on the drinks. ONE drink max and I prob shouldn’t do that, but…. it’s been close to a year since I’ve had a drink and I’m kind of in a what-the-hell mood  :)  ~Mixed drinks like I enjoy are HUGE calorie bombs, so I try to avoid them altogether (alcohol is really such a waste of calories!) but ya gotta live a little sometimes I guess!~

 Hope everyone has a great weekend!! I know I’m gonna enjoy mine while it lasts, cuz its back to business Monday morning.