ready2bskinE

Hey ladies! Well, Christmas is soooo close and I’m READY to tackle this week and still lose weight!!  :)   My gym is only closed Christmas day, so there is NO reason to skip three days. I’m sure we can all find an hour (even if it’s broken up into 20 or 30 minutes here and there) each day to do some kind of exercise! I’m going to the gym Christmas Eve-day (lol~ does that even make sense??) and the day after, before we go SHOPPING   :)  

OK, one of my New Year’s resolutions is to work on being kinder, more loving…. etc etc. I was reading some stuff last night and thinking, and this is what I came up with. There are several different types of “feelings” that we call “love”…. One is more self-centered love, and that means that I will love you as long as I’m getting something out of it. Like, if I were to say that I love my husband, but I base it on the fact that he provides for my family, and if he stopped, I would stop loving him; that would be self-centered. Or, I love my best friend because she always makes me feel better when I’m upset, and if she no longer had the ability or interest in doing that and I stopped loving her, that would make that a self-centered love.  THEN there is others-centered love, where we love someone because of a certain quality or attribute, or combination of qualities, that they possess. This, I think is VERY common even though we don’t REALIZE we are doing this.  For instance, we fall in love with a caring, doting man, and years later, when he no longer possesses those qualities, we feel like we’ve fallen “out of love” with him. Or I love my best friend because she is SO smart and funny, but when I no longer find her sense of humor funny or her comments smart, I don’t love her as much. In essence, we are saying, “I love you AS LONG AS you are (this way) and don’t change.”  TRUE LOVE is when we say “I choose to love YOU, no matter what you do, no matter what you become; I LOVE you no matter what.” That love is condition-less. This is the love talked about in the Bible, when we are instructed to LOVE our ENEMIES, love those that hurt and use you, etc etc…. Love like Jesus loved us.  This is the love I want to cultivate for my husband, my family, and yes, even those who irritate me, use me, and even (one day) people who have intentionally hurt me.  I want to be able to say, “It doesn’t matter to me what you’ve done, I will always be here and open to talk to you and accept you for who you are.”  My gut instinct is that This is DUMB!! Basically, inviting others to use me or hurt me, then be their doormat so they can do it over and over again. But upon deeper reflection, I don’t think I have to give anything OTHER than love, understanding, and kind words, so…. IF I can do that in spite of hateful things being said and done to me, I think that makes me a STRONG person, rather than a doormat.  How EASY is it to scream and curse at someone when we’re upset, and how much stronger do you have to be to speak kindly and try to be understanding of THEIR position?? 

 Anyway, that’s what I’m striving for. I don’t want to be the woman one day who wakes up to a house where the kids are grown and gone and I’m lying next to a husband I barely know anymore. I want to take an active role in making sure my life goes the way I want it to in every aspect.  You have to be willing to give unconditional love to receive it, and you have to be a true friend to have one    :)    

 Merry Christmas everyone! I hope everyone really takes time away from the stress of the season, and instead takes the time to really enjoy friends and family   :)   Have a Wonderful week!!

I recently had a light bulb moment, where I realized I was not eating enough calories to support my activity level. That was causing me problems like being HUNGRY late in the evening, tiring out early, feeling a little dizzy after a good long run, etc….  So I’ve been on my NEW calorie limit of about 1800 per day for a few days now, and I feel FABULOUS!  :)   I’m still losing weight, and NOT hungry all the time; I have lots of energy, and I get to eat a couple of extra snacks per day!  :)  

 I went to the gym last night to lift some weights, and my upper body is SO completely sore today! But its a GOOD sore, you know? It’s like I can feel my muscles getting stronger!  If pain is weakness leaving the body, then watch out because I’m turning into super woman!  LOL   I was watching a show on Discovery Health yesterday, about a woman who had lost about 100 pounds and became a personal trainer…. in her 40s or 50s!!  Wow, that was INSPIRATIONAL! And they showed a clip of her demonstrating some exercise for a client, and I heard her say, “When it starts to hurt, when the weights start feeling too heavy, just imagine yourself getting stronger….”  I really liked that, and I’m going to definitely do that in the future  

 I took a picture of myself with my camera last night, as I have become accustomed to being BEHIND the camera rather than in FRONT of it. It was the last picture saved to the card, so I clicked forward to the beginning to compare it with whatever I might find…. About three clicks into it, I found a picture of me holding my baby; she was about 4 months old, and I looked HORRIBLE!!  I must have weighed about 200 lbs, and if I still looked like that, I would have probably cried from sadness…. But instead I got to cry from JOY and HAPPINESS!  :)   ~I’m going to post those two pictures on my home page whenever my husband finds the right cords and downloads the pics to the computer for me. Y’all have to got to see the difference! I KNEW I looked different, obviously I’m wearing smaller clothes, etc, but just seeing the pics side by side like that makes it SO REAL.~  When I got pregnant with my first daughter, I was a little heavier than my “ideal” weight, about 135. So right now, I’m only 10 pounds heavier than that!! Although my body looks a LOT different….. arms and legs more muscular, but belly still stretched a little from the back to back pregnancies…. I know it will eventually shrink back down to “normal” so I’m just going to take it slow and easy, working on it every day for as long as it takes…. I’m prepared to allow YEARS working on it without getting discouraged, because it took YEARS to get it where it is…. right??  But anyway, I’m NEARLY back where I started, and eager to look EVEN better!   :)   There are lots of people who CAN’T say they look better at 30 than they did at 23, but I will be one of them, and I’m gonna LOVE it!!  LOL

I just want to also mention how THANKFUL I am that I found this website with all my new buddies, and how GRATEFUL I am to be a part of the Survivor Challenge throughout this holiday season. It is definitely a big factor in keeping me on track and not “giving up” for a few weeks and starting over in the new year!!  LOL   Thank you guys so much for all the support!!  

My resolution last year was to lose 50 lbs…. And I’ve waited til the last possible minute, but I nearly have that one covered. I have about another pound or two to go, but that’s NOTHING compared to what I’ve already lost. So I’ve been thinking, I definitely have another 20 or so pounds to lose, so that’s an obvious one, but I want to do more this year than just focus on my weight.

 I have one thing involving my kids, and that’s to comply with all of their dentists’ orders. My 15-month old still takes a bottle to bed (that’s like a SIN to dentists. LOL) and my 2.5 year old still drinks from a sippy cup. (That’s more about me not wanting to clean up spills than her actually WANTING one.) Plus, she still takes a pacifier when she’s sleepy (at bedtime and in the car).  So those are things that need to be fixed PRONTO according to the dentist  

 I also want to start doing something relaxing for myself once a week or so. Maybe just close my bedroom door and read a book, or take a bubble bath without my two little girls barging in (literally, they get naked and get into the tub with me!!)  LOL 

And I’m also going to work on the “inside” of me a lot this year. I need to be more patient with my husband and kids. I need to work on being kinder to people who irritate me. (I’m just going to say it…. I can’t STAND my sister’s boyfriend!! )  LOL   I just want to be beautiful on the outside AND the inside by this time next year    :)   

The fourth and final question for this series is:

4- What am I hoping to achieve in the end and how do I think it’ll change my life?

Well, “in the end” is a very broad generalization. At the end of this challenge, I hope to achieve a more toned body, and at least a total of 10 pounds lost. Not sure that will change my life though. So I guess the bigger question has to do with my overall goals. 

First, I want to set a great example for my kids to follow. I want to show them how great it is to be healthy, and I want them to be more likely to make healthy choices when the time comes. I want them to learn to LIKE their veggies and think FRUIT at snack time instead of donuts and chips and cookies.  That will change my life by changing the course of theirs. I’ll be happier knowing they’re healthy.

Thoughts of being “skinny” keep popping into my head, and the “old me” is still in my head, saying that being a size 4 or 6 will change my life too. But honestly, I think I’ve grown to the point where LOOKING better will, yes, be nice, but not necessarily LIFE-changing.  Although it WILL change my life in terms of the type of clothes I’m able to wear  :)   Tight-fitting sweaters, here I come!  LOL

 I basically just want to get my diet and exercise habits as close to perfection as is possible for me, and keep them there forEVER   :)   That will change my life by eliminating “dieting”, promoting a healthy lifestyle that hopefully will be admired and imitated by my kids, and basically making me FEEL GOOD about myself, 1 for being healthy and 2 for sticking with it 

3- What am I doing now that I can change to bring me closer to my goals and make me healthier both emotionally and physically?

So today’s question for Survivor 3 is a tough one for me. When I started my weight loss journey, I examined a lot the “bad” things I was doing and attempted to change most of them, but this is the first time since then that I’ve even thought about what all I’m doing that still needs to be changed.

Well, as far as being healthier emotionally, I’ve stopped looking “outward” for happiness. I no longer need other people to MAKE me happy. Even if my husband is being crappy, I can have a great day because my happiness comes from inside me now. I no longer even rely on my appearance to feel good about myself. I’m strong enough to run errands without makeup now!! LOL  If y’all only knew me…. Before, I wouldn’t even run to the MAILBOX without a full face of makeup on!  :)   

I think like most women, though, I still have a little problem dealing with stress. I’ve recently rediscovered the joys of yoga, and that helps a LOT when I’m really stressed. The deep breathing exercises can be used anytime, and the visualization techniques are great anytime, too. I think I could do it more often, though, and also branch out to learn even more ways to reduce stress. (A handful of Hershey’s kisses was what I used in the past, and it didn’t work out too well for me!) 

Aerobic exercise and weight lifting are also great stress-busters for me, so they have both emotional and physical benefits.  However, sometimes I forget about all these benefits that I NEED and start feeling guilty about taking so much time for myself, when there are a hundred other things I could be doing around the house or with my kids or husband. I need to work on not feeling guilty about taking the time for myself, because to be a good mom and a good wife, I have to be healthy and happy.

I’m going to try to focus on beating the stress and releasing the guilt so I can be happy and healthy, strong emotionally and physically!! 

Ok, I haven’t done this EVER before, and I’m doing this more for my own personal reflection (AND Fitness Survivor team points ~GO TEAM 1!! )  So if it’s not very interesting…. Sorry! Hopefully, I’ll get better as I go  

 Here are the questions I’m aiming to answer today:

1- Why did I gain the weight or what prevented me from losing it sooner?
2- What am I prepared to do to change that?

Well, I started gaining weight during my first pregnancy, but that’s not a very good explanation, so let me go a little deeper. I’ll start off by saying that when I started junior high, I was a little “chunky”.  A few boys kind-of made fun of me in 7th grade, so by 8th grade I had started working out at the gym where my mom worked. I joined the basketball and track teams, and I wasn’t a “natural” at sports, so I had to work REALLY hard to keep up with the other girls. By 10th grade, I was “skinny” and one of the boys who had hurt my feelings so bad actually asked me to the PROM! I said NO of course (lol) but I guess the whole thing got me thinking that “chubby” = people laughing at me, and “skinny” = attention and dates. I placed more and more importance on my looks over the years, and eventually I got married.  I stopped exercising so much, but I basically maintained my weight by not eating much. When I got pregnant at 23, I basically continued not eating much, and it wasn’t hard because the SMELL of food usually made me sick.  That is, until I got to about 5 months along. I was at work; it was about 11:30 am, nearly lunch time, and I hadn’t eaten anything all day. I started getting dizzy and a little disoriented, and nearly passed out! Another girl who had just had a baby not long before went and got me something to eat. I didn’t think I was hungry, but she assured me I’d feel better if I ate. Which, I did. I was fine after that. My dr told me my blood sugar probably dropped too low. He broke it down for me and explained that the baby was going to take what the baby needed, even if that meant taking and taking til I had nothing left (welcome to parenthood, I thought) So I needed to eat “extra” to make sure there was enough to go around, basically. Between 5 months and the beginning of my 7th month, I doubled the amount of weight I had gained from the beginning of pregnancy! I quit working around 7 months, and then it got REALLY bad. I didn’t do ANYTHING for myself; either my husband would clean, cook, etc, or my mom would come over and do it.  I didn’t get off my butt til I delivered, basically, and I had been eating WHATEVER I wanted all those months.  It’s like I used pregnancy as a license to be FAT; I literally thought, “Noone would make fun of a PREGNANT woman for being fat!!”  I went from about 130 pre-pregnancy to around 180, and 170 AFTER I had the baby.  I had chosen to breastfeed, and people told me that it would help make the weight come off….. Nope! It made me SUPER hungry, most of the time. My “mini-pill” I was using while breastfeeding apparently wasn’t strong enough for me, and I got pregnant AGAIN when my first baby was only 8 months old and still nursing!!  I was EXHAUSTED and HUNGRY all the time, and I basically had to cut my baby off from nursing early because I couldn’t handle it all.  I didn’t sit around during the second pregnancy (impossible with a little toddler to chase!) and I really TRIED to do better with my weight gain, but somehow I still ended up tipping the scales, and at my 6 week post-partum check up after the second baby, I still weighed 195 lbs!!  I also used nursing her as an excuse not to diet. I wasn’t sure how to do it in a way that would be healthy for both of us, so instead of putting in a little extra effort and figuring it out, I just didn’t even try.

 She started weaning herself, eating more “regular” food, at about six months, so I took that as my cue that it would be ok if my milk supply dropped a little and I could go ahead and “diet”.  I hated being “big” and couldn’t even look at myself in a full-length mirror. I just thought I looked NASTY. I knew that I had to do something; I just wanted to feel like “me” again. Once I lost a few pounds, I got motivated enough to join a gym, although I was still embarrassed to be the biggest girl there most of the time, and it took losing some more weight before I started going very regularly.

 So that’s my story, and I guess it basically boils down to me using “excuses” for gaining weight, and also for not trying to lose it. There’s always SOME excuse I can use, and I basically need to quit using those crutches and be a little harder on myself.

 I’m definitely prepared to do that!!  That’s why I love buddyslim and all the friends I’ve made here so far. There are so many opportunities for motivation and accountability, and those are just the things I need to keep me going!  So to all my friends, if I try to use any excuses, call me on my crap, ok??! You’ll be doing me a huge favor!