ready2bskinE

Well, for those of you who read and commented on my last blog, THANKS!! You really helped me gain the confidence I needed to get back into the gym. And guess what??! When I got there, there were LOTS of new people, mostly ladies who seemed to be starting on their own weight-loss journies. Potential new buddies? Maybe; I hope so!  :) 

I have a confession to make. I may be turning into a *potential* gym bunny!  LOL  Don’t get me wrong; I can’t really see myself in an aerobics instructor-type outfit. You know, the sports bra with the spandex pants?  haha Yeah, that wouldn’t happen even if I weighed 110 lbs!  ;)   That’s just not my “look”.  haha  But the other part of it, the checking myself out in the mirror, Yeah, I had some of that going on last night. It’s not that I thought I looked so totally hot I just couldn’t take my eyes off myself. I mean, with 20 lbs still to lose, that’s just not the case. BUT I did have to admire my progress. I remember when I started, how I AVOIDED looking at my big self in those huge mirrors. I did NOT want to see myself jiggle, and I really *hoped* that noone else noticed it, either. But last night, on that StairMaster, I caught a glimpse of myself, and I was like, “Is that MY ass??!”  :D  hehe   And I just thought about the progress I’ve made in the past year, and watched myself, red-faced and covered in sweat, pushing myself, thinking Wow, I’ve come a LONG way. I wonder if maybe some of those “hottie” gym-bunny types are thinking something like that when they’re looking in the mirror, instead of the air-headed thoughts, checking their hair, or admiring their boobs bouncing that I THOUGHT they were thinking.  hehe  Maybe I should STOP being so darn judgemental.

 I do remember back before having my kids, when I could afford the expensive gym with all the cool classes, I attempted an aerobics class. I have NO rhythm, and it was a pretty funny sight to see me “dancing” around completely off from all the other girls.  :D  I did really like the instructor though, and a few of us were chatting after the class. This girl was SO cute, almost like a tiny size 2 Barbie. I have to admit, I made several assumptions about her BEFORE I even spoke with her personally. And they were all WRONG!  She was first of all, very intelligent. But the thing that really stuck with me was when she told us she had been overweight, VERY overweight all through high school and part of college before she decided to take charge of her life and health. I really admired all her hard work, and the obvious dedication she had.

 Maybe gym bunnies deserve a little more respect than what some of us give them, myself included.

Having said that, are the sports bras and spandex pants REALLY necessary??  LOL 

On ANOTHER note…. I was just wondering something. If anyone knows of anything like this that already exists, please let me know. But I’ve been thinking, what if there were a site for people who are losing weight where you could exchange clothes you’ve become too small for, for a size that will fit you for a couple of weeks or months while you continue to lose weight?  Let’s say you started out at a size 20, but are now down to an 18. You probably don’t want to stay at an 18 long enough to buy an entire new wardrobe, BUT you WOULD like to have a pair of jeans and few tops that fit nicely for now, til you’re down another size or two. Wouldn’t it be nice to exchange the stuff you’re too small for, for a few gently used articles of clothes that fit nicely?  Insead of getting money for your stuff, like at a consignment shop or something, you could get site credit towards clothes in the size you’re in now.  Just an idea; thought I’d throw that out there to see if anyone might be interested in something like that.  :D  I know I personally am around a size 9 or 10 right now, hoping to get into an 8 SOON and eventually a 5 or 6. So I don’t want to buy a bunch of 10’s that I’ll be too small for by the summer time, and I have a LOT of 12s and 14s that could go to a good home.  ;)   I’m really interested to hear if anyone else would use something like that.

I’m so disappointed in myself! Has anyone ever felt nervous about going to the gym?? I was planning to go and run at least every other day this week, because I just got my new running shoes and I’ve been WANTING to start back on my running program. I was SO happy Sunday night, at the thought of going to the gym and running Monday. Then Monday came and hubby was feeling crappy, so I stayed home with the kids. Then, last night, I got dressed in my workout clothes, put on my running shoes, found my keys…. Then started watching a movie with my husband! It’s like I WANTED to go, but I just got so NERVOUS!! I started thinking about how long it’s been since I’ve been there (well over a week!) and how BAD I was going to be at running after taking so long off (nearly two weeks). Now just thinking about walking into that gym darn near gives me an anxiety attack!! Has anyone else ever felt like that?? I could really use some tips on how to get over this. And it’s not like the gym is the only thing I act like this about. If I haven’t been to church in a while, I get nervous about walking through the door there, too. And when I was in college, if I would miss a class or two, it was SO HARD to build up the courage to walk back in. What IS that?? Is it self-consciousness?? I really WANT and NEED to go run tonight, but I’m really freaking out. Part of me KNOWS that if I just walk in and do what I need to do, I’ll start feeling “normal” again, and nothing “bad” is going to happen for me to be so anxious about anyway. But why doesn’t that make me feel better? PLEASE, if anyone else has dealt with this, tell me how!!

*Whew* That Jilian Micheals totally kicked my butt yesterday!! I know that I don’t have the upper body strength of some other Buddyslimmers, like the ones involved in that push up challenge. But I didn’t realize how BAD it was til today. I did the 30 Day Shred workout twice yesterday. I did it for the first time yesterday morning, but since it was only a 20 minute workout I was feeling by mid-afternoon that I needed to do another workout. I can’t find my Biggest Loser Bootcamp DVD ANYWHERE (GRRRR!!!) so I did the 30 Day Shred AGAIN. And MAN, I’m FEELING it today!!! My entire upper body is begging for mercy (even more so than it was DURING the workout.) I’m looking forward to some great results though! I mean, you CAN’T hurt like THIS and not see some amazing results!! Maybe I’ll be able to join a push-up challenge next month!!

On the bright side, my lower body is feeling ok, so I should be able to focus on some cardio this evening. It feels good to know that even though I got a HELLUVA workout yesterday, I can still get another one today. I don’t have to sit out.

I’ve been cutting a LOT of the fat out of my diet so far this week. Ever since I started paying more attention to what, exactly, was going into my body, I’ve become a lot more concerned with eating healthier. In my mind, fruits and veggies are the best things for your body. Yes, they have tons of vitamins and nutrients, but also… very little to no fat!! It can be a challenge to get plenty of protein without extra fat though, but it’s made me more careful about the meats that I eat. Poultry and fish are becoming like, every day things. Although fish can be a little fatty, I think it’s the “good” fat, right? It really is tough, paying attention to every little thing like that, but I figure that eventually it’ll become second nature. That’ll be a good day!

I joined MJ’s Lose 4 Pounds By Valentine’s Day challenge today. I’m hoping to be at my mini-goal, which is exactly 4 lbs away, by then. Hoping it will give me the confidence boost I need to be a sexy valentine for my hubby!! LOL

Fat grams. Every label tells you how many are in what you eat. I, for the most part, haven’t been paying much attention to that part of the nutrition information. I’ve been paying more attention to the calorie content, trying to follow the simple formula of less calories in, more calories burned = weight loss. And for the most part, it’s worked. HOWEVER, as those who read my previous blog about my belly FAT know, that diet of just lower calories hasn’t really helped in that area AT ALL. Yes, I weigh less, but my belly, which has been the fattest part of me since I gained this weight, is STILL really really fat.

 So my good buddy Michelle suggested I try a low-fat diet. Wow!! What a good idea, I thought. So a couple of days ago, I started counting every single gram of carbs/protein/and fat that were in everything I ate. What an eye opener!!  I may have been sticking to a 1500 calorie (give or take) diet, but SO MANY of those calories were coming from FAT!!  No wonder my body isn’t burning this fat; I’m constantly FEEDING it more fat; it can’t keep up!! 

 And I had a BIG mess up today!! We were out and about, shopping, running errands, had our taxes done. And I suggest we go to Subway for dinner. Well, of course the big baby pulls into Mazzio’s pizza instead!  :(   BUT I COULD have ordered a salad…. Pizza does happen to be my weakness though, and since I’ve been so “good” lately, I decided, just this time, to go ahead and have the pizza. When I got home, I checked online, and each slice of pizza contained my total goal of fat grams for the day!!  My calories stayed within a reasonable range (below 2000) but my fat grams were through the ROOF!!  Like, 350% of the daily value I had given myself for the day.  AND my carbs were over the limit too, but not by much. Suprising though, for that meat-lover’s pizza… My protein intake was only HALF what it should have been for today.  All those calories, and no muscle-building food for my body. 

 I am disappointed in myself, but at the same time, I’m so very thankful for this eye-opener. Now I KNOW for sure what I need to do (at least in part!)  LOL   :D   I know I need to continue monitoring the nutrient breakdown of every single thing I eat, until I get “good” at eating a low-fat diet. I need to up the cardio too, and work on my core strength, and just my strength in general… And I need to make sure I give my body that protein it needs to build muscles.

 *sigh* That’s a tall order, but I’m aiming to do every single one of those things next week.  I just feel so sure that if I do those things consistently, I will see some amazing results, far better than what I’ve seen so far. 

 Thanks to all my buddies for the great suggestions. I was wondering, how do you make sure you get enough protein each day, and how do you do at limiting the FAT you put into your body?? 

Trying my hubby’s pants on yesterday gave me the motivation to try a few things in my closet that were TOO tight last time I put them on. A friend gave me some jeans that she “outgrew” and I remember thinking how TINY they were, that it would be a LONG time before I could get them anywhere near my lovehandles. They’re a size 9, but they look really small… smaller than other 9’s I have. So anyway, I pulled them out and… hot damn, they fit!! So, I have this shirt also that was put away with some of my other “skinny clothes”. I wasn’t SURE I would ever get into any of them again, but I washed some and hung them in the closet a while back anyway… Just in case. The last time I tried this shirt on, my boobs were so big that they took up most of the shirt, and it did NOT cover my belly, which isn’t small either. *hey, don’t laugh too hard at that mental picture! LOL* But it’s fitting NICE now!!! YAY!!!

I jumped my happy butt in the shower, fixed my hair and makeup, and got dressed in my “new” outfit. I can’t tell you how MANY days my husband has come home from work to find me in sweats or pajama bottoms and a T-shirt with my hair in a ponytail. I had myself convinced such was the life of a stay-at-home mommy. But NOW, I WANT to look “cute” when he comes home. He’s always teasing me; we both have a weird sense of humor, so he laughs when I tell him his hairline has receded a lot for a 23 year old, and I laugh when he tells me to move my fat ass or whatever. But let’s see how “fat” he thinks I am today!! LOL Odds are, he’ll be ready to “clean up” himself and go out somewhere, I BET ya!

Ok, a little back-story….

As I was losing weight, I would give myself little “pep talks”… you know, tell myself how much BETTER I looked, how skinny I was getting, etc. Even though I knew I was NOT skinny, it’s just a little positive self-talk, you know?? So anyway, around 160, I asked my husband what he thought of me now that I was “getting skinny”. He said, “Yeah, you’ll be skinny when you weigh at least one pound less than ME!”

I NEVER used to think in terms of who is skinny, who is fat, who looks better than who…. BUT after I gained my weight, I just began thinking of myself as FAT, and my husband as skinny, and I even let it trickle down to other people, other family members. Like, I had to categorize people. And I was always the fattest fat person. My husband is a SHORTY, about 5′7 or 5′8 (in between) and he has always weighed in the 130’s. He’s super skinny, and comes from a family of super-skinny people.

Well, he’s gained a little weight recently!! One day, he woke up and was getting dressed for work, and as he was pulling his pants up, he walked out of the bedroom. I was like… WHAT are you DOING?? And he came back into the room red-faced, and admitted he couldn’t button his pants!! LOLOL Now, normally I would never laugh at a person who couldn’t button their pants, but considering the context, you have to admit you’d probably laugh at him too, right??

Anyway, he weighed himself, and he was right at 140. He went out and bought some new pants last night, and…. one pair of them was just lying on the couch today. I was cleaning the house in a pair of shorts and a T-shirt, and I just WONDERED how those pants would fit ME, the FAT one?? I picked them, pulled them on, and when I realized they felt a little BIG, I pulled them up over my shorts, buttoned and zipped them. Wow!!!!!!

This is BIG, not because I can wear his pants (haha) and make fun of him. LOL But…. after I categorized everyone, he was really a SKINNY skinny person on my list. And even though he’s gained 5 lbs or so…. you know, it IS true that another person really CAN’T see an extra 5 lbs on you. (I always thought my boyfriends were LYING their @sses off back in the day when I would worry and fret over a 5 lb gain.) So, now I’m seeing myself as maybe NOT fat. Still, I’m not skinny; my husband is a shorty, but he still has a few inches on me, so he looks much skinnier at 140 than I do at 145. BUT I can see the rainbow now, instead of just the rainclouds. I feel really positive and hopeful again! I feel like, while I still have LOTS of toning to do, maybe someday THIS YEAR I will be looking FIT and FABULOUS again. I’m soooo ready to work out now!!

I’ve lost a little weight over the past year, about 50 pounds. My arms and legs are looking pretty good, but…. Well, a little background first.

 I wasn’t very big at all when I got pregnant, maybe 135 lbs. Not my skinniest weight ever, but I was comfortable with how I looked. After having two kids only 17 months apart, I was up to 195. 

 So far, I’ve been combining cardio and LIGHT weights (along with a sensible diet, of course!) to get the results I’ve had so far. NOW I’m to the point of being semi-toned in my arms and legs. I still have a little way to go in those areas, but compared to my BELLY they look fabulous!! 

My belly is my big concern here, and I was wondering if ANYONE had ANY ideas on how to get rid of it a little faster? Obviously it’s smaller now than it was when I was 195!  BUT the fat is more concentrated there, I guess, and it’s coming off a LOT slower than it has in other areas. I’m to the point now where I would ENJOY focusing more on weight training, BUT I still think that because of all the fat in my belly area, I NEED the cardio more right now.

 It’s so frustrating, because I feel like I’m having to sacrifice progress in one area or the other!  :(   Obviously, with two toddlers, I can’t spend hours on end at the gym, like I would IF I were only responsible for myself. 

If anyone out there has overcome a similar obstacle, PLEASE tell me how you did it!!  Or to anyone else, who maybe is just a lot smarter than me when it comes to exercise, please let me know what you think.

Man I’ve done a LOT better this week than I did last week!! I started off the week at 145.5, and my next mini-goal is 140. If I can somehow get half-way there this week, and reach that goal by the end of next week, I will be SO HAPPY!! I haven’t been able to get to the gym YET this week, but I’ve still done mini-workouts here and there with my FitTv buddies (LOL) and my Wii Fit. Not as kick-butt as hitting the gym, but hey, I’m not the best driver anyway, and when you add freezing rain to the mix…. I’m much better off figuring out what I can do at home! And I’ve really surprised myself at how I’ve been able to keep my calorie intake at a reasonable level! Through the holidays, I was eating WAY too much, and I thought it would take a WHILE to get back on track… But nope, I’m doing just fine! It also helps that I started MJ’s Defeat the Treats challenge! That really did keep my hand outta the candy this morning!

Well, I’ve got a busy day today! My washing machine has died a slow death… it just officially kicked the bucket Monday. My hubby tried to revive it, but even with all his handy-man skills, there was nothing that could be done. *tear* So I have to load all our dirty clothes up and haul them over to my mom’s! I’ll be over there all day, not JUST because of the laundry, but also because when we get together we run our mouths a LOT! Then I’ll have to “pretend” that I didn’t “have time” to come home, clean the house, and cook dinner before hubby gets home from work!! LOL Hope he doesn’t read this!!

I figured it would be good for my self-improvement to blog weekly or so to chart my progress and note my mistakes or setbacks. Well, I’ve done a LOT better this week than I did last week, so that is progress at least I’ve cut back on the snacking again, and soon that should be fully under control. I’ve started drinking 8-10 glasses of water per day again. I’ve started journaling my food again and counting calories, so staying within my set limits is on the horizon and will be paying off in the near future I’ve also vowed in the last few days to stop eating after 6 pm (instead of 8 pm) and to stop skipping meals as a “solution” to too many snacks or a “too-big” breakfast. It just makes it all worse in the long-run.

I worked out more this week than I did last week, although still not EVERY day like I plan to start doing. My goal is to alternate strength and cardio workout days, with only one day off per week, not because I don’t WANT to exercise that day, but because HOPEFULLY I will have worked so hard all week that my body NEEDS a break.

On the home-front, I’m working on my patience with my kids and husband. I’m counting to 25 (or higher….) when I walk into a room that has been newly-destroyed by my 2-yr old’s curiosity…. (eg: How many pairs of my underwear can she stuff into a pillowcase? Or how many rolls of toilet paper will fit into the toilet; How many spoons and forks can she remove from the drawer and put on the floor before Mom gets mad??) It’s never-ending, and I’m sure she has TONS more ideas that she hasn’t tried yet! But if I look at things from HER point of view, I’m sure these antics amount to a “learning experience” or at the very least, “fun games” If I remember to think of the situation from HER point of view BEFORE I react, I’ve found I chuckle a tiny bit instead of yelling.

Another thing that has really helped over the past few days is simply ASKING for help when I need it, before I go into “overload” mode. Like, if I can tell I’m getting frustrated with how messy the house is, I can ASK my husband to help me, and he will. BEFORE, I just wondered WHY he WOULDN’T help me…. Like, “Can’t he SEE this mess??!!” Or I’d wonder WHY he wouldn’t help with the kids…. Say, we’re in a rush to get somewhere on time, and he’s standing in the living room with his coat on watching the end of a TV show, waiting for the rest of his family to appear so we can walk out the door. I would get MAD and think “A good-looking family doesn’t just happen by MAGIC!! It’s a LOT of WORK to get myself and a 2 yr old AND a 1 yr old READY… You COULD HELP ME!!” But now, if I just ASK him to maybe…. dress one kid while I dress the other, or to put shoes and coats on while I quickly fix my makeup…. He doesn’t mind and things go a LOT faster, helping me to stay calm. Why didn’t I think of this BEFORE all those meltdowns?? It’s not that he doesn’t WANT to help… I think he really IS CLUELESS as to what I need, so all I have to do is ask him for it.

So my goals for the next week are to exercise daily, drink plenty of water, stay within a 1400-1600 calorie range (I was trying to get 1800 daily, but that’s not going so well for me right now… I started eating too many unhealthy snacks JUST to get my calorie intake up, and that’s not good… so I have to do it a little slower.) I’m going to continue practicing my new-found patience with my kids and my husband, remembering to ASK for help BEFORE I get totally frustrated. I’m going to make a real effort to use the relaxation techniques I’ve learned recently, in order to release some stress and hopefully become a better, “funner” person to be around.

My over-all goals for the year are to reach my goal weight, and to end 2009 with a better relationship with my husband and better parenting skills. (Not that we had a BAD relationship in 2008, BUT there’s ALWAYS room for improvement. I read somewhere that marriages are in constant states of deterioration and require constant care and attention to thrive and flourish; left alone, with an attitude that things are “fine”, most will end up in crisis or failure! Sad! I don’t want to reach that point!!) And since my kids are REALLY young still, I don’t know a LOT about parenting, but I plan to try to stay one-step-ahead. I know my problem-areas, which are a slight lack of patience and being a little too quick to get angry or irritated, so I’m working on those areas first…. and I hope that by staying “aware” and constantly learning new things, I’ll be able to nip any future problems in the bud, before they get bad!

My #1 goal to reach though, is to STOP making excuses for myself, whenever I don’t try hard enough to achieve something. I have thousands of excuses, and I want to stop using each and every single one of them and become strong enough to handle KNOWING what I did wrong and FIXING it. Acheiving that, I think, will make my life more successful in each and every aspect, and that’s my hope for 2009 ~ To be more successful in each and every aspect than I was in 2008.