Coming Clean (Finally!) About My Binge Eating
I guess maybe I’ve been in denial about it, because up until now I’ve always had other names for it. Like, I’m just REALLY hungry (excuse) or, I must be a natural fat-ass (beating myself up).
Did you know that some sources site Binge Eating Disorder (not to be confused with Bulimia nervosa, because there is no purge) as the most common eating disorder. Yet, it’s also the most under-studied, due to the tendency for it to be written off as mere over-eating.
I know that for me, there’s so much more to it than just over-eating. It can be triggered by stress, but that’s not always what brings it on. It almost seems like an obsessive-compulsive thing, like something I can’t control once it starts. I think it really stems from me feeling generally out of control of my life, if that makes any sense. On days when I really feel CHAOTIC, like there’s not enough time to do everything that needs to be done, or I’m worried about something (I have borderline anxiety disorder, but refuse to rely on Xanax for it), or just generally very stressed for whatever reason- I totally lose control of my eating. I put ALL my focus into controlling other parts of my behavior. For example, very rarely do I snap at my toddlers on these days, very rarely do I complain to my husband, and I NEVER “go off” on my co-workers or other innocent bystanders. Instead, I just compulsively eat everything I can get my hands on. Which of course doesn’t help. Sure, it diverts my attention- searching for food, preparing it, and devouring it takes time and attention away from the stress, but at the end of the day, I wind up feeling even MORE out of control and WORSE about myself.
Anyway, the REAL reasons a lot of the time I’ll lose for several weeks and then suddenly GAIN one week, is due to my binges. 
Ugh- it’s so hard to admit that.
And the worst part of the whole situation is that I have no idea how to handle the problem more effectively. Obviously, the easy solution is to STOP EATING SO MUCH. However, for me, the whole thing comes on more like an anxiety attack or something. I don’t fully realize I’ve started a binge until I’m well into it (it’s not like it’s a conscious decision after all) and by then, I don’t feel like I’m in control of my responses anymore anyway. Maybe I could talk to my doctor and fill my Rx for anxiety meds, but to me, that’s more “brushing over” the problem than actually solving it. I don’t want to have to rely on meds to be normal.
Is anyone else going through anything similar? Have you learned better ways to deal with your stress? Please feel free to share any ideas. I really help, and I’m seriously considering the possibility that I may need professional help for this.
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Hey girlie, I’m recovering from Bulimia. I would eat until I felt physically sick, go to bed and then get up the next morning and try to purge the food through exercise. I would exercise 4-5 hours a day at times until I ready to pass out.
I understand the out of control feeling. For me, my triggers were tiredness, lonliness, anger, frustration, sadness. I tried counselling and it actually made it worse. I fell apart a few months ago. Totally broke down. My whole life became consumed by this and by depression. But I didnt relaise how depressed I was until my Mom told me I was seriously messed up.
I went to my doctor and she put me on Lexapro. I’m 3 months on it now, and I swear, I feel like a totally new girl. I still get anxious etc, but I havent felt the urge to binge in a long time.
It’s so great that you shared this, I know that it took a lot of courage.
Have you heard of over-eaters anonymous? They are a group with the same approach as AA? They are in every city and state from what I know, in fact, they are global. The meetings are free, or a small donation if you can afford it.
I went for awhile and it is a really supportive and great group, there are no “leaders” and each member just shares and gets support. You might want to give it a try, the worst that will happen is you will hate it…:)
Also, when you feel like bingeing, maybe you could come on here and blog about it instead. Blog about the feelings, or write an e-mail to one of your buddies (like me). Get those feelings out and then hopefully you won’t need the food anymore.
You may also want to check out a famous book called “overcoming overeating”, which is by Carol Munther and Jane Hirschmann.
Or, any book by Geneen Roth!
I hope this helps. And you know that you have buddies and friends on here to support you!! Hugs xx
There are some stres techniques you can find online to help you relieve and reduce stress. Maybe you should check them out.
I wish I could help you, but I can’t
Maybe finding some other ways to relief stress would help? Walking, dancing, reading, music…. etc.
But you know, you did the first step in realizing what is going on, now you can concentrate on working on it. Take it step by step and day by day. I don’t know if that is the right thing to do, but if you just can’t stop eating, maybe having only healthy snacks in the house would be a good idea. It doesn’t help the disorder but at least you are not packing on calories
(((BIG HUG))) You can do this hun
As I was reading your blog, I realized that a lot of how you feel and eat to help compensate or feel in control is mostly true for me too. I think it is much more common for people, just not really paid attention to. It makes perfect sense. I was also thinking the same kind of thing as sabrinaBB. Trying to focus that energy (so to speak) to productive activities. I love to read, scrapbooking, palying with the kids, etc.
I guess for some it just has to be part of the lifestyle change.
As with trying to break any bad habit, if you can change your behavior for two weeks it becomes much easier to stick to the new good habit.
Good luck!
You are a brave girl!! I know this must of been hard for you to write this. But it is the first step to helping yourself fix the problem, BRAVO!
Two things, I know how you feel not wanting to use meds. I feel the same way most the time they mask the problem not fix it. You may want to do some research on line about vitamins and herbs that help with anxiety. I know Sam-e helps with brain function (helps it “fire” properly) which is a big cause in anxiety, depression, ADHD, and other things. My son takes Sam-e (can be bought at costco, or almost any store that carries vitamins) and it has helped a ton. He was on other meds at one point and I hated all the side effects PLUS by the time they upped his dose to what they said he needed, He was no longer the same person. Or look for a homeopathic doctor, they can help with more natural remedies. Homeopathic Doctors are real docs and use both western med and natural med. If you see Natualpathic they usually don’t have to have a doc degree. Check in your state. Many times it is a matter of your body needing an extra mineral or vitamin.
Second, Hun, you said by the time you realize you are on a binge you are well into it. But instead of keep going maybe you can practice just stopping right there and then. At least it would be fewer cals going into your mouth. You might start to realize sooner if you do that rather than let it keep going.
sorry, this was long. ((((((Lots of BIG HUG))))))
Thanks to everyone for your advice and encouragement! It usually starts out as “one of those days” and then just gets worse and escalates to a binge. If I can focus on stopping it before it really turns into a BINGE, then it won’t be so bad. (I think?)
By the way, I actually think of myself as a “smart binger” because I DO have healthier snacks when I’m on my binge. Of course, it’s just a TON of healthier snacks. One source I read said a binge was an all day thing, packing in 5,000 to 10,000 calories instead of the generally recommended 2500 daily allowance. Well, I can eat all day and make myself sick with 2,000-2500 calories. Which almost gives me another excuse, that it’s not so bad…. But in reality, the emotional responses behind it are what makes it unhealthy, so I’m going to really focus on working on those.
Again, thanks for all the suggestions girls!
I have this problem but at night. I can relate to you on so many levels hon. Thanks for the info on binge eating. For me it doesn’t matter how much I eat during the day, huge breakfast, small breakfast, no breakfast, come night time I eat and eat and eat….
Great blog!
I’ve done the same things and not realized that I ate EVERYTHING until I feel like I could vomit. One thing that I have found that helps me is to stay busy. When you are stressed and go to grab food or are sitting in front of the tv after a bad day, do something to keep your hands busy. For me I usually come online. Reading and replying to different forums (both here on BS and other places) keeps me from even thinking about my bad day or eating. And if you need to, you can vent about your day too. A lot of time for me after I write about how bad a day or situation was I realize that it’s not really so bad and I feel a ton better. I hope that helps some. If you try everything you can, and it doesn’t help, I would suggest thinking about meds, temporarily. You know I’m not a fan of them, but when I was really having problems with my depression and went on meds, for only two weeks, it just enough for me to get everything back under control and think clearly. I went off them after two weeks and have been fine since. Sometimes you just need some sort of relief to function normally so you can learn how to function normally without the meds, if that makes sense.
BTW- I think another name for the binge eating disorder is compuslive overeating. If it is the same thing that you are talking about then this is the name I’ve always heard of it by. It might help if you are doing more research.
Thank you for this blog, I really appreciate you sharing this. It’s amazing how so many people are going through the same stuff and you don’t realize it until they say something first. I have a problem with binge eating too. I’ve thought about going to OEA before, but after I talked about it with a friend they said, “You’re not big enough to go to something like that.” So, I didn’t go, how silly is that?
I overeat whenever I’m feeling stressed or sad. I can’t help it. I want to eat everything in the house! What I have found helps me is to keep a balanced life. I try to make time for everything that makes me happy, like hanging out with friends, relaxing, talking on the phone with my family, I know it sounds simple but it keeps me from having those feelings of getting out of control. Again, thanks for posting this!!