Archive for August, 2009

Perfectionism

It’s such a hard thing to let go of.  I know on one level that being a perfectionist is a BAD thing: No one is perfect, so it can only lead to disappointment.  However, there’s a nagging little voice in the back of my head that always tells me it’s not the destination that matters, but the journey.  In other words, it’s ok if I’m never perfect, as long as I’m always trying my best to be.  (Then, I will always be doing my best.)  Does that make sense?  This need to be my best applies to every area of my life, but since this is Buddyslim, I’m just going to elaborate on how it’s affecting my weight loss journey.

I pulled on a pair of jeans yesterday.  They just happen to be my very favorite pair of jeans from my early college years.  Right after high school, I was maybe 19 when I bought them.  I always thought I looked really good in them.  When I was much bigger, I found them in the back of my closet at my mom’s house, and brought them home with me.  I hung them in my closet, and thought to myself, when I can wear these jeans again, I’ll know I look good.  lol  In other words, I will have made it.

I’ve worn them a couple of times, but they were always just a little bit tight in the waist.  Put them on yesterday, and to my surprise, they’re too big.  Not just in the waist, but in the butt and thighs!  I mean, I was sagging in these jeans!  The ones that used to be just a little tight in all the right places, fit like a dream…..  Now too big.

So my first instinct was to go to another pair of jeans that I bought recently.  (Old Navy was having a HUGE sale, 50% off of all clearance prices!! So I got a pair of jeans that were way too small for $7!)  Basically, it was one of those deals where there are just random clothing items on several racks.  The pair I bought were size 4s, and they’re too small, but the 6s I tried on in a different style were WAY too big.  lol  So anyway, now these new tiny jeans are my standard of perfection.  (for now)

The weird thing I’m blogging about is, I wonder why I couldn’t just stop and be happy when I would have fit nicely into my old favorite college jeans?  I never felt fat, always thought I looked nice and slender at that size, etc.  But now, it’s like it’s never good enough.  It’s like, once I reach a goal, I’m looking for the next one… What can I do BETTER?  It’s hard to determine whether or not that’s a good thing, because honestly, no joke, I thought I’d feel skinny at this weight, at this size, but all I see when I look in the mirror is FAT.  :(   I’m 5′5, 126 lbs…. and when I look in the mirror, I think to myself, I don’t LOOK like I weigh 126 lbs.  I can’t help but wonder, When will I feel happy?  When will I feel like I’ve done enough?  When will I feel like I look GOOD ENOUGH?  It’s so frustrating, because I’ve worked so hard, and I just want to feel that SATISFACTION that comes with a job well-done… but I don’t.  And I don’t know how to.  Maybe when I can fit into these new jeans….. Maybe then I won’t feel fat anymore.

Losing Weight Without Counting Calories!! and running update

I shared an article earlier this week that mentioned the “diet mentality” making all diets unhealthy.  Now, while I totally respect everyone’s opinions and completely believe that there’s NO 1-right-way to do anything, for me, the counting calories and thinking non stop about what I could or couldn’t eat was becoming a stumbling block.  So I decided to STOP doing it.  Of course, I’m still careful about my portion sizes and making sure I get plenty of fruit, veggies, whole grains, and protein, but I threw the whole number tracking system out the window and replaced it with a new commitment to get in plenty of exercise and water.

It’s working wonders!! I’m not even necessarily trying to lose weight anymore; if I maintain from here on out, I’ll be happy, but if I lose a couple of more lbs by eating a healthy diet and getting in my running and toning, then I’m happy with that too.  And the scale is steadily going down.  I’m stunned actually, because when I was TRYING so hard to break into the 120’s, counting every calorie, planning every single meal and snack, I kept gaining and losing the same 3 lbs.  Let go of that stress, and it’s like a miracle.  :)  Saturday I weighed in at 131, and today I’m down to 129, and there’s still 3 more days til I officially weigh in again so I’m pretty excited.  Apparently this is going to work out great for me, and I’m so thrilled because I’m starting to feel “normal” again (as opposed to being on a continuous diet).

I always said, “It’s not a diet, it’s a lifestyle change,” like so many of you.  But UNLIKE so many others, I was stuck in that diet mentality of counting calories and thinking “if I ate that earlier today, then here are my choices for dinner….”  restricting, feeling guilty, binging.  :(   Ups and downs…. terrible cycles.  That’s not a lifestyle, and if it is, it certainly isn’t one I want to maintain for the rest of my life.  What I’m doing now is much more in-tune with who I am.  :)

Running Update:   I finally timed myself and measured out my distance on mapmyrun.com this morning, and I finished the first 3.1 miles or 5K in about 25 minutes! I know that’s not a world record or anything, but it made me happy because I had assumed I was doing it in around 30 minutes.  Planning to do the Race For the Cure that’s coming up, and since I was able to get in another mile and a half before the end of my run, I’m thinking I *might* just be ready for a 10K by Christmas.  :D  I’m certainly hoping and looking into races I might do….  It feels so good to have a fitness goal that isn’t weight-related!

Ok, I’m off to hop in the shower.  No pepper spray on my face today! lmao  :D  But I’m still stinky.  :p  Hope all you buddies are having a great day and feeling positive, too!!

Why Carrying Pepper Spray With Me May Not Be The Greatest Idea Ever

A few days ago, my little brother decided he was going to start running with me.  He’s 17, and like so many great ideas at that age, it only lasted one day.  lol  But on that day, we ran all over the neighborhood, making a huge circle from my house to his.  Now mind you, this used to be a really great neighborhood, but over the last several years it’s gone majorly downhill.  :(   So when my husband found out where I went, he freaked out.  (I usually just run up and down our street, down and back is a quarter mile so it’s short and he can see me the whole time.)  Honestly, I thought it was ok, since I had a guy with me (well, sort of a guy. lol)  Husband was like, “He’s never been in a fight! If some thugs want to attack you, I guarantee there will be more than one cuz they’re always standing around in groups.  (Not at 6am, which he didn’t buy as valid reasoning.)  He said that if two or more guys came at us, my brother would surely do what he could, but it was guaranteed not to be enough to protect me.

He called my mom!!  And she agreed with him.  :(

So now I go out armed with pepper spray and a 2.9 million volt stun gun.  He did attempt to get me to take the concealed handgun classes so that I could carry that with me, but I REFUSE to run with a gun.  Knowing me, I’d trip and shoot myself in the butt cheek.

But even just up and down my street now, I’m encouraged to take my self-protection gear.  His reasoning is, it’ll give him those extra few seconds to get to me; you know, I’ll have a chance to fight back and won’t be at the mercy of an attacker until he can get there.  (Who would attack me with my husband sitting on the front steps watching??  He’s totally paranoid, but I guess if it ever happened I’d appreciate his vigilance, so I try not to complain….)

But anyway, on to my mini-crisis of the morning.  lol  I didn’t have any pockets in the pants I wore out today, so I’ve got the stun gun thing strapped around my wrist and holding it with my left hand (if the attacker rips it away, the broken wrist strap disables it so that it can’t be used against me) and the pepper spray in my right hand.  Little did I know, my pepper spray had been “test sprayed” by my husband, so there’s “wiped off” residue near the opening, but that stuff is apparently so strong, simply wiping it off the container does NO GOOD.  So a little over a mile into my run, I wipe some sweat off my face with the fingers of my right hand. Or rain… it was raining, so I bet it was more rain than sweat, but whatever it was, it was starting to get in my eyes.  So it took a few minutes (probably due to the rain) but I started to feel the burn.  It took a few more minutes for me to realize what it was, and by the time I stopped and walked up to the house, it was hurting pretty bad.  The husband thinks it’s kinda funny (mostly cuz it didn’t get into my eyes or anything that would hurt REALLY bad) but it kinda pisses me off.

I’m pretty much forced, at the very least coerced, to take all this stupid protection gear with me, when my husband is right there watching me, and then it hurts ME instead of a bad guy.  :(   How is this fair?  Well, at least I know if anyone ever sneaks up on me, they’re in for some serious pain.   :D

Just wondering…. What do you guys use to protect yourself?  Ever had an incident with pepper spray?  ;)   Or do you mostly just hope that nothing bad ever happens to you and go out merrily into the world?  ;)

Are All Diets Unhealthy?

Want the short answer? Yes. Now, you may be thinking, “If I don’t stay on some kind of diet, I’ll just blow up like a balloon. I need to be on a program just to keep control of myself.” But consider that any kind of dieting involves a diet mentality, which ensures failure, encourages you to ignore hunger and satiety signals, and promotes a negative relationship with food, because you have to give up “forbidden” foods and, often, eat foods you don’t really like. This inevitably results in giving in, which often means binging and feeling terrible about yourself. So, though this idea may sound radical, we firmly believe there is no good diet.By “diet,” we mean the conscious restriction of the amounts or kind of foods you’re allowed to eat for the express purpose of losing weight. A diet is something that you go on when you want to change your body, and go off once you’ve reached a certain goal. Though we certainly do endorse consuming a wide variety of healthful foods, paying attention to portion sizes, and thinking twice before eating a lot of foods that are high in calories but low in nutrition, we don’t recommend following any kind of plan that tells you what, how much, and how often you should eat, without regard for your body’s hunger and satiety signals. And we definitely don’t recommend any eating plan that you go on and then go off.

Although it may sound surprising, the negative effects of dieting also hold true even if you aren’t following a formal diet but still think like a dieter. If you count grams of fat, opt for high-protein foods while shunning carbs, rely on “safe” foods, beat yourself up for eating “bad” foods, consciously or unconsciously undereat (which can trigger overeating later), use diet soft drinks or coffee to quell your hunger, or decide what you can eat based on what you’ve already eaten today, you’re dieting.

The Physical and Psychological Effects of Dieting

Have you ever noticed that as soon as you go on a diet, all you want to do is eat? Even if you weren’t particularly concerned about food prior to dieting, all of a sudden you become obsessed with it. You find yourself preoccupied with what you’ll have for your next meal, whether you can have a snack, what others are eating, or even what you’ll allow yourself to eat tomorrow. What’s going on?

The mind and the body are inextricably linked, and never is this more apparent than when you go on a diet. Geared to survive during feast or famine, both body and mind switch into survival mode when the food supply is radically diminished. While the body turns down the metabolism and becomes a “slow burner” in an attempt to hang on to every single calorie, the mind gears itself to one overriding purpose: getting food. The result? Suddenly, you may find yourself clipping recipes, planning menus, cooking elaborate meals or dishes for others (neither of which you’ll eat yourself), or even dreaming about food at night. The message is clear: Your body wants food, and your mind does, too.

After a few days of extremely restricting your food, you’ll probably become more depressed and anxious. Although this may be due to changes in neurotransmitters like serotonin, it may also occur because you are depriving yourself of things that are very pleasurable that aren’t replaced by anything else — leaving a pleasure void. You may suddenly prefer to spend more time alone — it takes too much energy to deal with others — and your self-esteem may start to drop. Unfortunately, the more depressed, anxious, and isolated you become, the more you’ll obsess about food.

Some people can hold out longer than others, but the result is eventually the same: a binge. You eat something you “shouldn’t,” which makes you feel as if you’ve blown it. So you let go and eat. During the binge you feel relief — at last you can relax and do what you’ve wanted to do all along. But you may also feel as if you’re in a trance and can’t stop yourself. It’s almost as if your body has developed a will of its own; it’s going to feed itself whether you like it or not. As a result, you can end up eating more food in one sitting than you ever did when you weren’t dieting.

Are you crazy? Absolutely not. This is a normal, even healthy reaction to a period of semi-starvation, a reaction that made good sense during primitive times. After a period of famine, it was natural and necessary for our ancient ancestors to overeat. They needed to be able to take advantage of a feast when they had the chance, because the food supply was uncertain. To make this possible, their appetites increased after a period of famine. So the same amount of food that would have satisfied them during times of plenty left them feeling hungry after a period of semi-starvation. The same thing happens to you when you restrict food. Suddenly, you develop the urge and the capacity to binge, and you no longer feel satisfied after eating what you used to consider a normal meal. In short, restrictive dieting can trigger binges and leave you hungry even after you’ve eaten normal amounts of food. This is true for most Runaway Eaters, and even for those dieters who do not develop Runaway Eating problems.

The psychological consequences of dieting were clearly illustrated in a classic study of the effects of semi-starvation done in 1950 by Ancel Keys, Ph.D., and his colleagues at the University of Minnesota. In the study, 36 healthy, young, psychologically sound males were observed over a period of 1 year. During the first 3 months, the men ate normal amounts of food; during the next 6 months, they were given half as much food; and during the last 3 months, their food allotment was gradually increased. During the semi-starvation period, the men became preoccupied with food and constantly talked about it, read cookbooks, clipped recipes, and daydreamed about eating. When a meal was served, many took an inordinately long time to eat it, trying to make it last. Over time, the men became extremely depressed, anxious, and irritable.

Once they made it through the period of semi-starvation, the men ate nearly continuously, with some indulging in 8,000- to 10,000-calorie binges. The men reported that their hunger actually increased right after meals, and some of them continued to eat to the point of being sick without feeling satisfied. Although most of the men finally reverted to normal eating patterns within 5 months of the study’s end, some continued with their new patterns of “extreme overconsumption.”

We see these same patterns in dieters: the preoccupation with food; the anxiety, depression, and irritability; the tendency to go off the diet and eat more than one would have in the pre-diet days; and a propensity toward bingeing even after the diet has ended.

Reprinted from: Runaway Eating: The 8-Point Plan to Conquer Adult Food and Weight Obsessions by Cynthia M. Bulik, Ph.D., and Nadine Taylor, M.S., R.D. © 2005 Cynthia M. Bulik, Ph.D., and Nadine Taylor, M.S., R.D. (January 2005; $14.95US/$20.95CAN; 1-59486-038-6) Permission granted by Rodale, Inc., Emmaus, PA 18098. Available wherever books are sold.

Authors:
Cynthia Bulik, Ph.D., is the William R. and Jeanne H. Jordan Distinguished Professor of Eating Disorders at the University of North Carolina at Chapel Hill. She is also a professor of nutrition in the School of Public Health and the director of the UNC Eating Disorders Program.

Nadine Taylor is a registered dietitian and chair of the Women’s Health Council of the American Nutraceutical Association. She is the author of numerous health books and articles.

Back From Vacation!

And ugh… I’m up a lb and a half. Not too bad, considering I counted NO calories and exercised not at ALL (unless you count hiking up mountains while holding a 25 lb toddler, which did make me very sore, lol).  Not too bad!

I think I’m ready to let go of my calorie obsession.  I think that eating healthy foods when I’m hungry and exercising daily will give me the results I crave without the number obsession and the craziness that comes with it.  It’s worth a try, at least.  :)

So anyway, I’m not going to post pics this week. There’s really no reason to, since I haven’t lost any weight and I haven’t been working out.  I’m not really disappointed at this point though, because I feel like I’ve made progress in other areas (mental health related!  ;) ) so that counts too.  After all, my personal goal is generally just to better myself, and as long as I make some measurable progress in any area, I’m happy.  I definitely feel more relaxed and less stressed, even though the scale went up.  That’s a HUGE change for the better.  Not that I’m unconcerned, but I’m just not OVERLY concerned…. does that make sense?  lol

So here’s to a renewed committment to my workouts and clean, healthy eating. (By the way, the relative we stayed with wound up being somewhat health conscious… little to no salt usage, plenty of fresh veggies, and home-grown fruits! Awesome!! It was the fast food on the 2 day drive up there and the 2 day drive home that killed me! lol)

My workout schedule for this week is 45 minutes of steady-state cardio 4 days (jogging), 30 minutes of interval training (1-minute sprint intervals) 2 days, and 4 days of weight circuits (2 total body and 2 that focus on upper body, with some core work all 4 days).

Hopefully I’ll be ready to post some update pics next Saturday!