Confused and Discouraged
What do you do when people try to discourage you from reaching your goals? Do you immediately give up? Do you give consideration to their concerns and re-evaluate your goals? Or do you just say, This is MY goal, I don’t care what you say, I’m going for it!
I’m confused, because it seems like everything I thought is all wrong. A girl at work yesterday was telling me that in her OPINION, I should stop trying to lose weight because I’m starting to look sick! At 5′5, I fluctuate between 125-130 lbs on any given week, which is not underweight by any means. Actually, for my small frame (no butt or hips to speak of!) a range of 111-120 is considered healthy and ideal for me. So losing a few more lbs may admittedly be out of vanity, but certainly not unhealthy or sick. And it’s MY body, I’M the one who has to stare at it unclothed daily… I’M the one who has to be happy with it. At least, that’s what one side of my brain is saying.
On the other hand, I asked my friend what she thought, and she also said she thought I could stand to gain a few lbs; that in her opinion, I’d look better closer to 140 or something. I can respect her opinion, but again, I’m the one who has to be happy here. Besides, it’s not like the extra weight would go to an aesthetically pleasing spot, like chest or hips…. On me, it’s guaranteed to go straight to my belly and chin. (Why is that??!) Honestly guys, I’ve been happier with my body than I am now at higher weights! Before kids, during college, I got up to close to 140 lbs and wore a size 8/9 for a little while, and I wasn’t unhappy with how I looked. I had nice curves and muscle tone from working out, and a relatively flat belly. Now IF I could look like that at 140 NOW, I’d totally go for it. But for some reason, I don’t know if it’s because I’m older now or because I’ve had kids, but things don’t look the same anymore. Or it might even just be my twisted perspective! But all I know is, when I look in the mirror, things jiggle. And not the right things; not the things you see jiggling on MTV. LOL But maybe I’m just brainwashed from all my research and time spent on this journey. Maybe it IS time for me to just throw in the towel, and shift my focus towards accepting the body I have.
So where do you draw the line? At what point do you say, I guess this is as good as it gets, and start putting your work towards being happy with what you have, as opposed to working towards making it better? My personal way of doing things, I would NEVER stop working toward my goal until I’m happy with my result. But I also have a bad habit of letting the opinions of others dictate my actions. I do respect other people’s opinions, and that’s a good thing, but maybe MY opinion should be the important one. (???) But maybe I’m wrong, maybe I should re-evaluate my goals…. What do you guys think? What would you do in my situation? It definitely sucks to have people say you look bad, whether they think you’re too big or too small; I know that for a fact now. But just like a person shouldn’t worry about losing weight if they’re happy, healthy, and think they look good, why should I worry about it if a couple of girls think I might look too skinny?
A bit of perspective: I live in the SOUTH, where it’s definitely super popular for a girl to have a gigantic butt and huge boobs, which I have NEITHER; but I wouldn’t have a butt or hips no matter how I much I weigh, I’ve proved that. lol The girl from work was telling me how HER husband likes her the way she is (about 5′4 and 160 lbs) and how GUYS like meat on their women… LOL Meat?? Seriously? Yeah, I want to be a piece of meat that random guys want to look at. *I* want to like me, and MY husband happens to like skinny girls. So… why would I CARE what HER husband likes? LOL But sometimes the pressure here is opposite of elsewhere… Like New York or something, it’s definitely more popular to have that stick-thin look, here it seems to be more popular to be a bit bigger. But at the same time, I don’t want to look like there’s something wrong with me. Heck, I don’t want there to BE something wrong with me! I’m just confused…. Guidance please?
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I think you should definitely put their opinions out of your mind and focus what you want for yourself. Your friend may have your best interest at heart, but the girl at work could have ulterior motives. It’s possible she’s jealous and she’s trying to sabotage you.
I thought maybe she’s jealous too… But I don’t know her that well, to accuse her of anything. Plus, I’m the type of person, I usually think Why would someone be jealous of ME?? LOL I make my struggles known; things don’t typically come easy for me and I wear my heart on my sleeve. Nothing to be jealous of… unless maybe she’s just catty? I don’t know. I def. thought it was weird how she was like, MY husband this… and MY husband that though. Like, ok, ummm… He SHOULD like you the way you are; he’s MARRIED to you! LOL Nothing to do with me and my body… Right?
I think this is your journey and you know when and how your journey will end. If you want something for yourself keep pushing to get to where you want. No one else is living your journey. You are the pilot. As to your first series of questions I know for me if someone is trying to tell me I can’t or I won’t I’m set to prove them wrong. It’s a driving force of my weight loss. Keep up your efforts and listen to your body.
I would say do what you want to do, if you are still in an ideal weight range and you aren’t straving yourself. Maybe yourself happy, that is why you started this journal and stayed with it so long. Do what you want to do.
First of all, your before and after pictures are stunning–you look awesome. So, I was also wondering about the jealousy bit. Everyone has a little bit different idea of what looks good. I say stay true to what you want. Deep inside you know if your doing good or not–healthy and slim verses being to small & it making you sick. I saw go for what you want.
Yes, things dont look the same after kids–or its that we have to work harder for it to better. lol
If I did not have that sagging stretch out skin on my lower abs, I would not look fat at all. I have even considered a mini-tuck. But they are still invasive and expensive. So, when I get to my goal, I’ll have to live with it unless modern medicine comes up with a new cheaper and safe technique. Don’t be so hard on yourself. Be at a weight you are comfortable at. But don’t expect loose skin with stretch marks to go away because they won’t. But GOd did give us children and many people can’t have kids, so that is something to think about for both of us.
Very true Joy. A lot of my issue is with my loose skin on my tummy as well. Very frustrating!! But the kids are definitely worth it.
I’m so afraid that I will end up thin and unhappy as well. For that reason I am choosing to focus on being healthy, and not on numbers, goals, and looks. I think all of us want that MTV body, but the reality of it is that most of those MTV bodies, look like ours (well the skinny of us ours). You need to remember that they are airbrushed, the pics are touched up, the lighting is just right, etc. They are not real. Not to mention any surgeries they might have had. If your dream is to be a certain weight, then don’t give up. Like you said, you are the one that has to be happy. In the end though, do you think losing those few extra pounds will make you happy? I’m not saying it will or it won’t, but sometimes we do need to switch our focus. If you think that will make you happy, then go for it. If not, then maybe you do need to change your focus. Only you can answer that for yourself. And I have to say I remember a time when I weighed 135 at 5′1″ and my family (who is all obese) was insistant that something was wrong with me and I looked sick. I was the happiest I’d ever been with my body then. Do what makes you happy.